Who Am I?

dark room

September is a stress-tember.

These past few weeks has been a roller-coaster ride for me. I’ve been a real screw up to my group mates. And yeah, I admit it with every fiber of my heart, especially with our Technopreneurship subject. Man, I was guilty! But heck, let’s not put all the blame on me for what happened, because it’s also not my fault why I wasn’t able to edit much earlier. I’m not a pro in editing, and so are you, but I do apologize for us flunking that long test. I know I got strike 2 when I forgot about the Philosophy group assignment. Honest mistake. I forgot about it even it was noted on my phone. Again, I apologize. Lastly, my Thesis group mates. I’ve been too lax about our project that cramming was the result. But long story short, I’m just glad that we pulled off that endorsement. Let’s just face our next challenge armed.

I’m glad that I’ve met new people. New personalities. It’s only through them that you would know who you are, what you want, what you don’t like, how you want things to go, etc. And lately, I’ve been in ups and downs with them. They made me realize I’m not best to talk with at the phone when I’m mad. That words do appeal to me, and that I’m particular with it. But most of all, they made me remember why I don’t want friends to cross beyond the friend-zone. I’ve been in this situation for a couple of times already, and seriously, I don’t like the results. The first one was in high school and did became my girlfriend. But when everything didn’t work out well, we really had a hard time turning things back the way things were. The second one was my friend in college, and I really consider her as my sister because of that bond/relationship/treatment we had for each other. But after she confessed that she did had feelings for me, things turned awkward and it made me remember of what happened before. Now for the last one, I really didn’t know how to react. Firstly, I made myself understand that friends should only be friends. Nothing more. If you wanted something more, then you should’ve set the boundaries for that already. Jokes are half-meant, but I don’t take them that serious. Secondly, and the thing that is mutually understood by us is that I’ve only got eyes on the opposite sex. I don’t want this to sound offensive, but yeah, that is the hard truth. I already know that person knows that already though, and there’s no need to reiterate. I would like to thank this acquaintance though for making me bring out the person who I was back then. I thought I’ve kept him hidden deep in the trenches of my being already. I guess I’m wrong.

Limits is something people will always have. I also have mine. It’s not about pride, but rather getting tired of how things are happening over and over again. I don’t wanna keep arguing. And it’s not just me who should be adjusting, because seriously, I’ve done a lot of adjusting than what my head could have just for this month. It’s about time that you should also look on yourself and maybe not just believe on the saying “this is who I am, you have no choice but to accept it or get lost”. Because honestly, your actions will be the death of you. Yes you have gains, but you’d lose twice as much. Think about it.

Yeah..People come and go. Sad isn’t it? Family’s there. Friends *might* be there. But at the end of the day, I know I’d be all by myself again and it’s gonna be all up to me to face the challenges that lie before me. I might need a few help along the way, but we would never erase the fact that it’s my final say to my decisions for my consequences in my life.