Time doesn’t really heal wounds. It simply makes us forget memories.
I know it’s hard for people, including me, to just forget something so painful. Your first palo, your first flunking grade, your first heartache, yeah I know how it feels. It makes you feel like total crap and you just wanna kill yourself thinking about the future, asking what the hell would be happening to you after all of this. But really, when you look back and remember how stupid you were to almost kill yourself in guilt because of something so shallow, I’m sure you’d just laugh or just shrug it off.
I tell you, don’t be scared of facing these “challenges” ahead of you. Sooner or later, you’d get over it and everything would be alright. In the end you’d be a stronger person because of this. Cliche, I know. But that’s just how it is. So just let go, and let God.
Facing the problem helps. But facing it again and again would just worsen the situation. Just like how a wound worsens with constant bugging, time wouldn’t let you forget memories that you keep remembering.
You run away from reality and find sanctuary. But you know very well this sanctuary won’t last for so long; you know that in a matter of hours, minutes, or seconds, you’d be back to your life and face the terrors you’ve been running from.
You enjoy the company, because you’ll never, ever, ever feel alone. Unlike some of the people you know, these masked people give you the best of advices. Some advice though just get to your head and psych you up, messing what really is, turning it into something totally different.
It gives you things you need, but includes those you don’t wanna see. You love being in it, but it’s a whole new world wherein losers can be gods, and the powerful can be the looked down upon. It’s a terrible world. You see things that you didn’t expect would be happening, but you did, with a few help from a few backstabbing friends namely Instagram, FourSquare Facebook, and Twitter. Streaming does a lot, yeah. You know you’d see something you dislike, but still dare to scroll for more.
Only a few people in your lifetime can make you do things you never wanted to do. And they could do this without pointing neither a gun or a knife at you. I’ve met people like this and I just wish they could’ve and would’ve stayed much, much longer.
Many moons ago, a kid, around 9 years old, decided to stay up all night just to have the chance to watch how the sun would rise at dawn. He was staring out of the window of his room, gazing at the stars looking down on him, but the sight of the brightest one of ’em all, Venus, caught his attention.
10 years later, he finds himself looking at the same star again, not realizing how much he’s changed, of how much different he is from what he was back then, and of how much he has equally lost and gained along the way.
For many years, that kid has been struggling with how he would be able to fit in this world. Would he be that Wallflower who would be in the background of everyone else’s? Would he be that Somebody who would step up among the others and be the star? Or would he be that Neutral Being who would always be between those who wants to get the limelight and those who could care less?
It wasn’t a smooth road when dealing with family for him. Most often he considers himself the reason for many fights the family members had, especially the one concerning his dad. And as many of us would understand, there’s no other person we look up to as our dads. Well, our moms are special and all, but dads just still have that something that makes us feel more secure and safe. Same goes for this kid.
He had encountered a lot of personalities along the way, too. Various personalities that, partly, he claimed as his own. Some friends left, others became silent, but I know he’s glad with the ones who stayed. With friends who know how to keep their word and keep themselves from bad habits, he knows he’s with good company now.
It’s still a long way for him though. Still too many paths to take. Still too many challenges to undertake. And below this star-filled sky he stares at Venus’ light, and thinking of whatever he would become in the future. Maybe by then, just like tonight and the night 10 years ago, he would be staring again at this star, and would take time to look back again at this kid he once used to be.
Would it be gruesome like those who decided to end this life themselves or the ones who went through murder? Would it be as noble and patriotic as the ones who put their lives on the line just to protect their fellowmen? Or would it be as romantic as old people who lived life together and both parting this world while feeling the warm breeze of summer under an old oak tree?
Death has always been a companion of our unconscious mind. We know it’s there. We know it’ll meet us one day. But there’s always the thought that there will be another day; that there will be tomorrow. But what if there’ll never be another tomorrow? Would you be able to say you’ve served your purpose?
I wouldn’t say I’ve already had met my true potential. I’m still young and I can say that I still have a lot of things to live for; my friends, my family, and everyone around me. Yes, I’ve had a lot of mistakes in the past, but that was what has brought me to be the person I have become. I’ve become a collection of people; people that has given me a part of them, and making a person out from these parts.
If I would die today, I would gladly accept that fate. If I’m happy, you might ask? Yes, I am. Because I know I’ve lived every day and every moment of this life to its fullest; that I might have done stupid things along the way, to which I have learned from its consequences. So yes, I’ll gladly meet our old friend Death, who’s lurking in the trenches of our unconscious mind, and bid this world farewell. It may not be as epic as soldiers battling for freedom, or as amorous as elders growing old together, or as pathetic as those who commit suicide, but I know that it’ll be something that’ll justify my stay on this temporary universe.
So if you were to die today, how do you think it’ll be?
Sometimes I question the integrity of actions of the people I call “friends”. It’s hard when you give your trust to people you consider to be part of this category yet deceitfulness is their gameplay.
How do you even know when their intentions are true? As a kid, I’ve always seen this portrait fronting our main door with two dogs and the caption, “If you want to have a friend, be a friend”. I’ve been bringing that principle up until now. Somehow, I really don’t know which part I’m screwing up. Am I really that bad a person? Or is it something I did or said that pushed them off? Or are some just really opportunists that grab you by the feet to make way for their own benefits?
I could never really answer my questions and all I can ever give are assumptions. And I hope that these corrupted thoughts about the people I consider as friends would just leave me be. But somehow, their inconsistency is just comparable with the cliche “action speaks louder than words”.