Venus at Twilight

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Many moons ago, a kid, around 9 years old, decided to stay up all night just to have the chance to watch how the sun would rise at dawn. He was staring out of the window of his room, gazing at the stars looking down on him, but the sight of the brightest one of ’em all, Venus, caught his attention. 

10 years later, he finds himself looking at the same star again, not realizing how much he’s changed, of how much different he is from what he was back then, and of how much he has equally lost and gained along the way.

For many years, that kid has been struggling with how he would be able to fit in this world. Would he be that Wallflower who would be in the background of everyone else’s? Would he be that Somebody who would step up among the others and be the star? Or would he be that Neutral Being who would always be between those who wants to get the limelight and those who could care less?

It wasn’t a smooth road when dealing with family for him. Most often he considers himself the reason for many fights the family members had, especially the one concerning his dad. And as many of us would understand, there’s no other person we look up to as our dads. Well, our moms are special and all, but dads just still have that something that makes us feel more secure and safe. Same goes for this kid. 

He had encountered a lot of personalities along the way, too. Various personalities that, partly, he claimed as his own. Some friends left, others became silent, but I know he’s glad with the ones who stayed. With friends who know how to keep their word and keep themselves from bad habits, he knows he’s with good company now.

It’s still a long way for him though. Still too many paths to take. Still too many challenges to undertake. And below this star-filled sky he stares at Venus’ light, and thinking of whatever he would become in the future. Maybe by then, just like tonight and the night 10 years ago, he would be staring again at this star, and would take time to look back again at this kid he once used to be.

If You Die Today

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If you would die today, how will it be?

Would it be gruesome like those who decided to end this life themselves or the ones who went through murder? Would it be as noble and patriotic as the ones who put their lives on the line just to protect their fellowmen? Or would it be as romantic as old people who lived life together and both parting this world while feeling the warm breeze of summer under an old oak tree?

Death has always been a companion of our unconscious mind. We know it’s there. We know it’ll meet us one day. But there’s always the thought that there will be another day; that there will be tomorrow. But what if there’ll never be another tomorrow? Would you be able to say you’ve served your purpose?

I wouldn’t say I’ve already had met my true potential. I’m still young and I can say that I still have a lot of things to live for; my friends, my family, and everyone around me. Yes, I’ve had a lot of mistakes in the past, but that was what has brought me to be the person I have become. I’ve become a collection of people; people that has given me a part of them, and making a person out from these parts. 

If I would die today, I would gladly accept that fate. If I’m happy, you might ask? Yes, I am. Because I know I’ve lived every day and every moment of this life to its fullest; that I might have done stupid things along the way, to which I have learned from its consequences. So yes, I’ll gladly meet our old friend Death, who’s lurking in the trenches of our unconscious mind, and bid this world farewell. It may not be as epic as soldiers battling for freedom, or as amorous as elders growing old together, or as pathetic as those who commit suicide, but I know that it’ll be something that’ll justify my stay on this temporary universe.

So if you were to die today, how do you think it’ll be?

Don’t Trust the Heart of a Lover

The winter breeze swoops down on the highways chilling everything he passes by. He finds himself mesmerized on the sight of the starry, starry night above him, and starts to remember bits and pieces of memories he didn’t know was with him all this time.

Don’t trust the heart of a lover. He finds ladies to get by through the night and expects no one beside him when sunlight touches his eyes. To love, or make love, is his essence. Commitment was always an issue and his loyalty, questionable.

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Don’t trust the heart of a lover. He reaps you just when you’re at your weakest and leaves you hanging when you have thoughts of you and him having the same feeling. He’s a gambler. A player. And he’s pretty good at his own sport. The love game is his forte, and he’ll do anything to win, even it means to cheat or lie.

Don’t trust the heart of a lover…because these hearts will never be understood. People will criticize. People will always generalize. People will always think of you as a douche bee enjoying himself from flower to flower… when in fact a memory still remains, haunting you over and over and over.

Never ever trust the heart of a lover.

Because it’s only these kind of hearts that turn other hearts into ones like theirs —chilling hearts, just like the winter breeze.

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My Medusa

2 seconds.

That was all the time it took for you to get me. Flashing lights dancing with the fountains behind us. You’re just there sitting with a smile on your face. Your eyes gleamed in the night as if they were made up of stars from the heavens. Eyes that reach out to the bottom of my being, gently saying that you’re all I need to make my world become a little less depressing.

2 seconds.

That was also all the time it took for me to remember who you are and realize that all between us will just be fantasy. You know, our worlds just won’t mix. Even though I really want to, I just know that it won’t. You’re living in a world where everything seems to be perfect, which is pretty much contrary to what I’m living in right now. So maybe it was better that I’ve looked away from those eyes of yours after that 2 seconds of unexplainable bliss before anything..happens(?)

Right then and there, I realized that maybe there’s just things in life that, no matter how great our desire for it, will never be ours.

Now all of that is left behind. Strangers, again.. in 2 seconds.

Downpours


Drip. Drip. Drip. And the raindrops got bigger and bigger until they crashed into the ground.

Can you still remember the last time you went out and get wet under the rain not minding anything? No cellphones malfunctioning, or laptops getting short-circuited? Random thoughts just quickly popped outta my mind while I’m on the jeepney under the heavy rain.

I’ve seen this one FWP (First World Problem) gag wherein kids were whining why their dad bought them the black iPhone instead of the white one, and I was like, “seriously, brat? you’re going loco for the iPhone color and I can’t even afford to buy one [iPhone]!”.  And I thought to myself, it seems like technology’s making living zombies out of the young ones already. It’s supposed to be man using technology, and not the other way around. I can see people getting addicted with phone apps, and I’d be a hypocrite if I say I’m not one of ’em.

But really, ‘balance’ is the way to do it. I’m not against using gadgets nor development of technology. It even creates bridges through communication like SMS or Chat, but it’s also somewhat creating a wall between people in terms of personal interaction. Personal interaction, such as the basic chat or the courting trends. Instead of having fun talking with family or friends, heads are on their phone texting or playing apps. Or instead of enjoying a great concert, everyone’s all there raising their phones and iPads to take a vid out of it (Like hell, there are people watching here at the back ya know?).

Everything that is good becomes bad when in heaps. So next time you take that phone out of your pocket, ask yourself which one is more important: the people in front of you or that dispensable app?

Underneath Venus and the Waning Gibbous

          For years people have been trying to define what love really is in a single satisfying statement, and for years they have failed to do so.

Some define love as something brought about by destiny. That it’s full of magic, rainbows, butterflies, fireworks, and all that stuff. It’s when they wait for their Knight-in-glittering-shimmering-sparkling-armor. It’s when they imagine that everything is always a happy ending. It might be that something that makes you willing to take the risk, to make an effort, and to sacrifice without something in return; and you’re happy about it, too, feeling no regret whatsoever. Something unconditional. Something selfless. Stoicists and voluntarists might say that love is a choice and not a feeling. It’s in our will, and thus makes it controllable. Emotionalists might say it’s a connection between individuals.

However, I might say otherwise.

Love is something horrible. It rips you off of your comfort-zone and makes you vulnerable and weak. It makes you lose yourself in over-thinking about your significant other. It gets inside of you, fills you up and takes a resting place in you. It starts to eat you up, starting from the weakest part of your heart and slowly infects your whole being, until it leaves you dwelling and crying inside in darkness.

Yeah, other people might think about love as something that makes happy-ever-afters and does magic to people. But I don’t think love alone can carry out that “happy-ever-after” all people want to have. It’s more than that. It takes commitment, trust, faith, and a whole lotta cash in your credit card. Even love can’t guarantee a ‘buy 1, take 1’ bargain to any of those things. But cash will. You can get love with cash.

*evil laugh*

What? You don’t believe me? Don’t they have this saying ‘The best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’? You might not be a good cook, but you can buy food! Now it can be option, right? And why would do people always say ‘I love you with all my heart.’? Scientifically speaking, we don’t feel any emotions with our heart. It’s still in our brain, specifically in our hypothalamus, that secretes these hormones that makes us feel anger, attraction, etc. The heart just pumps faster because of those hormones. Moreover, I would believe that love is just like the higher level of attraction. This is also something that makes love stupid, because it makes people stupid. Love makes people ignore whatever is around them and base their decision because of this high-level attraction to the other, which I think is pretty stupid. You do stupid stuff because you ‘love’ that person? Come ooooooon. Use the remaining parts or you brain, human.

Finally, I read this featured article on Yahoo! that said ‘Love is just lust misspellt’. I’m pretty torn on this one, but I would say that lust has its edge. Love is just lust repackaged to make it a more presentable one. When we talk about lust, only one word comes up to mind. Yes, that ‘S’ word. “Safe”. LOL just kidding, perv. Yeah it’s “Sex”. Lust is simple, honest and true, incorruptible and safe from forgery. It isn’t misleading. Love, unlike lust, is governed by emotions, feelings, conversations, hugs, tears, coffee and shopping is used to make it look like an effort was worth it. It has too much drama at hand. Especially that “if you love me, then you’d do this…do that.. blah blah blah” shit that really makes me wanna shoot myself.

So you see, everything about this love is stupid. Loving is stupid and people who do are stupid.

But still, why do I choose to be stupid?

PS

Thanks to the ff people for the feedback:

Athena Annisa Chatto, Edward de Castro, Mary Andrea Leyson, Jesieryl Mendez, Jericho Repito

Aaaand random thing: Doesn’t the heart look like a butt upside down? Just saying.

Resources:

http://www.12blackroses.com/?p=126

http://articles.cnn.com/2010-02-12/health/love.heart.brain_1_heart-rate-stress-hormone-romantic-love?_s=PM:HEALTH

http://www.mensxp.com/dating/inner-game/6904-love-is-nothing-but-lust-misspelt.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glossary_of_philosophy

Who Am I?

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September is a stress-tember.

These past few weeks has been a roller-coaster ride for me. I’ve been a real screw up to my group mates. And yeah, I admit it with every fiber of my heart, especially with our Technopreneurship subject. Man, I was guilty! But heck, let’s not put all the blame on me for what happened, because it’s also not my fault why I wasn’t able to edit much earlier. I’m not a pro in editing, and so are you, but I do apologize for us flunking that long test. I know I got strike 2 when I forgot about the Philosophy group assignment. Honest mistake. I forgot about it even it was noted on my phone. Again, I apologize. Lastly, my Thesis group mates. I’ve been too lax about our project that cramming was the result. But long story short, I’m just glad that we pulled off that endorsement. Let’s just face our next challenge armed.

I’m glad that I’ve met new people. New personalities. It’s only through them that you would know who you are, what you want, what you don’t like, how you want things to go, etc. And lately, I’ve been in ups and downs with them. They made me realize I’m not best to talk with at the phone when I’m mad. That words do appeal to me, and that I’m particular with it. But most of all, they made me remember why I don’t want friends to cross beyond the friend-zone. I’ve been in this situation for a couple of times already, and seriously, I don’t like the results. The first one was in high school and did became my girlfriend. But when everything didn’t work out well, we really had a hard time turning things back the way things were. The second one was my friend in college, and I really consider her as my sister because of that bond/relationship/treatment we had for each other. But after she confessed that she did had feelings for me, things turned awkward and it made me remember of what happened before. Now for the last one, I really didn’t know how to react. Firstly, I made myself understand that friends should only be friends. Nothing more. If you wanted something more, then you should’ve set the boundaries for that already. Jokes are half-meant, but I don’t take them that serious. Secondly, and the thing that is mutually understood by us is that I’ve only got eyes on the opposite sex. I don’t want this to sound offensive, but yeah, that is the hard truth. I already know that person knows that already though, and there’s no need to reiterate. I would like to thank this acquaintance though for making me bring out the person who I was back then. I thought I’ve kept him hidden deep in the trenches of my being already. I guess I’m wrong.

Limits is something people will always have. I also have mine. It’s not about pride, but rather getting tired of how things are happening over and over again. I don’t wanna keep arguing. And it’s not just me who should be adjusting, because seriously, I’ve done a lot of adjusting than what my head could have just for this month. It’s about time that you should also look on yourself and maybe not just believe on the saying “this is who I am, you have no choice but to accept it or get lost”. Because honestly, your actions will be the death of you. Yes you have gains, but you’d lose twice as much. Think about it.

Yeah..People come and go. Sad isn’t it? Family’s there. Friends *might* be there. But at the end of the day, I know I’d be all by myself again and it’s gonna be all up to me to face the challenges that lie before me. I might need a few help along the way, but we would never erase the fact that it’s my final say to my decisions for my consequences in my life.